Twelve Days of Christmas, My Way

I love the song "Twelve Days of Christmas", although I never did see the point.

Why would one want a half-dozen geese pooping around the house? Add a few turtle doves, some French hens  and a couple of calling birds (all made nervous by those infernal drummers)   and those maids better stop a-milking and start a-scrubbing. And what are they milking? There are no cows on the list. So I have to buy a bunch of bovines to give these maids (which I didn't want to begin with) something to do?  Then there's the swans a-swimming...maybe in my backyard after a spring rain. What's with all the birds, anyway?  We live in the CITY, for Pete's sake.  At least the partridges are in a pear tree and I do love pears.

What earthly good are lords a-leaping and ladies dancing (what else would they be doing? Dancers, I mean.) ? Unless they are Chippendales, give me a break.  As for pipers piping, well, I prefer Kenny G. And where would they all sleep? And how do I feed these crowds? If you think I'm going to do all that laundry, you're nuts. I hope it's a quick visit and they're not expecting room and board for the next year.  Get a real job, people.

Five gold rings....now THAT I understand.  But instead of FIVE gold rings, one will do, and make one of them into a simple gold chain, another some earrings and a bracelet will do nicely.

Not being an especially greedy person at Christmas time, I have opted to write my own wishes for the Twelve Days of Christmas. Listen up, Hubby! If anybody else wants in on the Twelve Days, well, I have another list and I'll tell you where to send it if you ask....


                                                       Twelve Days Of Christmas, My Way   

                 On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.....
                 Twelve dishes all washed...
                 Eleven snows a-shoveled...
                 Ten dinners cooking....
                 Nine windows gleaming....
                 Eight pairs of earrings (OK, maybe a LITTLE greedy)...
                 Seven rooms all vacuumed...
                 Six foot massages....
                 Five tanks of gas......
                 Four car washes....
                 Three cups of java...
                 Two breakfast burritos....

                 and a kiss by the Christmas tree!