Catching Up

I didn't know I was  sick until I got well. Not fully well, but healing.

I look around at all the things I have meant to do the last year or so, most of them left undone and uncared about. Suddenly I feel an urge to catch up.

 I remember how the lady who sold home decor took pictures of my living room at Christmas. The last two years I haven't even put up a tree, not even a Nativity set, only a wreath on the front door.

I remember changing the big, tall glass vases of flowers by the mantel--autumn leaves, summer poppies--and I see that I am right on schedule with those. Last year's lilacs still wink at me.

I haven't yet pulled out my summer clothes, nor put away my pink fur coat for the season.

I finally threw out old magazines from which I had planned to glean recipes that I probably wouldn't use. Cooking, formerly a pleasure, has gone by the wayside along with other things I used to enjoy.

As I heal from the heart surgery I am spending more time at home. My energy is returning, though I am still limited in what I can do.

My brain must be getting more blood; it is beginning to function once again. I'm thinking that what had masked as depression was illness. I'm thinking that I was sick much longer than I thought.

I'm thinking that the time I spent changing my appearance was an excuse for not changing my environment. I'm thinking that the changes within me were the ones that mattered most.

So I've made the inevitable list of what to do next. The list is short so as not to be overwhelming. It is specific. Mini steps. One day at a time. Easy does it. Keep it under five pounds. No bending from the waist. No twisting. No stretching over my head. No caffeine. No gin. Low fat, low sugar, low sodium. Take naps.

Today I begin, not quite at the beginning but more like halfway. I don't knock the strides I've made in the last couple of years, but it's time to move ahead. 

I will start with cleaning and storing the pink fur coat.