Trying Again. Will You?

There are two, make that three, kinds of people who populate my small world.

There are ones who make life worthwhile.  Thinking of them makes me smile, or even laugh out loud.  They fill me with happiness just because they exist.  Every second I spend with them on the phone, in person, by email or on Facebook is a joy.  They are the reason I get up each morning, why I tap my feet to music, or play Scrabble.  They push me to excel.  They are there in prayer and encouragement. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  They tolerate my failures.  They are family and friends and acquaintances. Without them, there would be no reason to be.

There are those I deal with on a regular basis.  There is no special caring, nor any distaste.  I sell them quantities of toothpaste and Tums.  They are the people at Kmart, or the grocery or the car wash.  We have no private jokes.  There is an occasional cup of caffeine during a ten-minute break.  They are neither friends nor loved ones. They just are. They don't care that I saw the first kingfisher of the season, or that Nick got a new job.  If I didn't see them next Tuesday, they wouldn't miss me.  We are civil, we share an occasional laugh.  Some of them may eventually call me friend.

Then there are the few, the very few, that I loathe.  It is hard to admit, even to myself.  I want to like everyone, and have everyone like me.  BUT...there are those very few.  They cannot converse; they blat and blather.  They are rude and crude, insensitive, ungrateful or plain cruel.  I walk away if I can.  I cringe if they get too near my space.  My salesman's face fails me.  I am not nice.

I don't want to feel this way.  I try to be pleasant to everyone.  I will give a second chance, a third, as many as it takes.  I try hard to make friends by being a decent, loving person.  I work at earning friendship and trust.

What is the chemistry involved with this handful?  Why am I so unwilling to put my hand in theirs?

My next self-awareness exercise is to examine closely why the mere existence of these few people drives me bonkers.  It is possible that I have been wrong.  I might be missing a valuable relationship, or at least a civil one, by my attitude.  I no longer am willing to make that sacrifice.

I will try again.  Will you?