"Our" Places

There are places where we spent time together once.  There is a spot by the lake where we would watch the waves break on the pier and seagulls flock to the popcorn we threw.  There was a little park where we would sit, a favorite place to drive.  They are still the places that make me smile from the inside out.  They are filled with the memories of a hug, a heart-to-heart, a promise of something more.

I go there myself now more than with him.  Our lives are too full these days of work, fatigue, obligations and maybe laters.  Always an excuse, always something that gets in the way of a few moments of peace together in "our" place.

Why are those others here?  I recognize the cars more than the people.  There is the grey Kia who never speaks.  Is he shy or fearful?  There is the yellow Jeep who always has a smile and a friendly wave. There is the convertible who sits with his cigarette, never leaving the safety of his front seat.  Why are they here? Is it memories? Or are they, like me, trying to recapture something lost?

We have a place by the lake where we watch the waves or the storms.  There is rarely anyone I recognize there.  The anonymity suits me.... It isn't hard for me to engage in conversation if I so wish. Today I crave quiet.  What happened to time?  Where am I going next?

Today I have time.  We have been so busy.  Too busy to enjoy each other's company, too busy to enjoy the wildflowers and the warm wind, too busy to walk in a gentle rain, too busy to take in the fragrance of cut grass.  We are not making memories these days; we are intent on destroying them.

If my love was here today he would surely be disgusted.  They have thrown wrappers on the ground.  Their conversation is so loud we would be forced to listen.  The music blares.  So irreverent!  I don't want to roll up my window.  I want to take in the lifeblood that is September.  I love this place, and today I don't want to share.

Do I sound melancholy?  Forgive me, I don't mean to.  I know this physical place isn't "ours", just the memories it holds.  I have to share the geography, not the photographs in my mind.

He isn't with me today, but I will ask him to come back here sometime soon.  We will bring our own music, talk again about our dreams, have a hug for good fortune.

Sweet.