The Trouble With Love

There are so many different kinds of love that it is hard to say what you mean.  The English language is woefully inadequate.  We say "love" when we mean "agape" or "infatuation" or "lust".   The person who is feeling it can't even describe it.  Is it love? we ask Dear Abby.  Will it last? we query Dr. Phil.  I would be very rich if I could figure it out.

There is the kind of love that we have for our God if we are believers.  It's the sort of love that makes us want to do good deeds, to be kind and to sing in praise.  It is nothing compared to His love for us, but that's because we are human. There is agape love which we feel for our fellow man.  These types of love are as real as we are.

There is self-love, not to be confused with ego.  It is what keeps us nourished and healthy. It provides the fight-or-flight instinct.  It's what makes humans want to be.  If you don't love yourself, nobody else will, either.

There is the deep love we have for our children, a love unlike any other.  We sacrifice willingly, even our own lives.  It is unconditional and forgiving.  We will protect our brood no matter what the consequence to ourselves.  This kind of love follows closely the love of family and close friends.  We my gripe about them, but we will jump to defend them if anyone else says a cross word.

We love our pets, be they rabbits, cats, dogs or goldfish.  We feed and care for them and they respond with unconditional love as our reward.

The love we have for our material possessions, hobbies or Jack Daniels is another matter.  I say I love chocolate or peanut butter or costume jewelry, but is it love if the recipient can't respond?  Of course they give satisfaction, but love? Again the English language fails me.  There must be a better word to describe how I feel about gin and tonic.

There is the love we have for our friends.  You see what I mean about English?  If I say "I love you" to a male friend, do romantic ideas make him run from me?  So is it better if I say nothing but generic platitudes?  It isn't enough for these special people in my life, but I don't want to send the wrong message.

Arguably the best kind of love is what we feel for that special someone, a spouse, SO or mate.  It can begin slowly, with affection and friendship.  It matures over time.  If allowed to grow, it becomes lifelong, even beyond death.  There is compassion and passion.  There is tenderness in the touch, unspoken gratitude and some taking for granted. Sometimes feeling the breath of a loved one on your face is enough, or the flutter of eyelashes on your cheek. Some days that is not enough.  "Love" doesn't begin to describe it.

Some love starts with a thunderbolt.  It might be infatuation, it might be real.  A thunderbolt comes out of the blue without rhyme or reason.  It strikes the heart with the force of an atomic bomb, making one obsessive, compulsive and reckless.  It torments your soul and drives you to the edge of insanity until that magic moment when it is recognized.  If the love of your life feels it too, well, life becomes an adventure.  If not, it becomes tragedy.

We go around barely noticing the love that surrounds us.  We fail to appreciate the child crawling on our laps for a hug; we see his muddy shoes.  We don't see the invitation to walk or have coffee as affection; it is an intrusion or obligation, even an annoyance. We miss the fact that love may come in the guise of a note, a string of beads, a simple key chain.  It might be getting the oil changed or doing the dishes.  We need to look beyond the obvious.

I will accept the gifts you offer me-- the hugs or the pat on my shoulder, words of praise, coffee or a walk on the beach.  I will accept the conversation, the jokes and the dreams we share (jewelry doesn't hurt, either!).  I don't want your whole life, just a few minutes we can call our own.

I've been trying to share this love that fills me to overflowing.  It's new to me to feel like this.  If it is not returned, I have lost nothing.  If it is returned in some small way, I will be happy and a bit more content.  My words are a gift to you.  I pray every day for the right ones that will touch one person, one time.

Especially you.