Winning and Losing

I have a tendency to root for the underdog, I guess because so often that is me. Then I am disappointed when he loses yet again. Maybe I should root for the winners, huh?

We were discussing the ways of the world, and I said one of the many generational problems is that we are not teaching youngsters to win and lose graciously.  We aren't teaching them to be proud of the 100% and to be not satisfied with the 67% on a test.  We aren't teaching them how to lose a soccer game with dignity.  Instead, we don't keep score (do you really believe the kids don't?) to preserve self-esteem....oh, really?

A kid who goes through life never learning how to lose becomes a spoiled, selfish individual. A kid who has parents who let him always win, or a teacher who gives him a D- instead of failing isn't getting any favor. If he doesn't work to win, he won't appreciate it.

Self-esteem is not a rite of passage.  It is something that grows in us as we accomplish.

Criticism? That's not what I mean. No one deserves to be berated for their opinions, their looks, their intellect or anything else.  Constant criticism is defeating.  What I am talking about is teaching our young ones to do their best, to accept winning with good sportsmanship and grace; to accept losing with dignity and an urge to try harder next time.  Not criticism--guidance.

I watch the differences with kids who are allowed to lose without harshness or condescension. They know they won't always win; they try harder. When they do win fairly and honestly, it is a true achievement--something of which they can be proud.  Kids who always win at any cost--whether it be cheating, bullying or whatever grow up to be mean, self-righteous and demanding. Should they lose they don't know how to deal with it.

Our society is one of entitlement.  That's just plain wrong.  We are entitled to life.  It is not guaranteed to be successful or joyous; that's up to us.  We are offered a rudimentary education; beyond that, it is up to us. We are offered certain freedoms.  We are not to expect our government to give us anything else beyond a simple education, food and shelter if we are incapable of getting it on our own, safety and protection from foreign powers.  The other things? We work for them.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.  I didn't say it was fair.

I hope that we raised our children to expect nothing but fair play from others.  I hope I instilled in them that if you want it, nobody owes you--you work for it.  You don't cheat to win, you don't expect anyone to let you win.  What you have should be earned, not coerced. Then it is truly yours.

I believe that we should be allowed to be proud of our own hard work, proud of our accomplishments, proud of our good deeds.  We needn't brag.  We need to be secure in ourselves.  When we lose, of course we are disappointed.  We should be man-or-woman enough to congratulate the winner, accept the loss with our heads held high and try harder next time.

I hope I can live up to my own expectations, especially when I lose.