The Gifts

It has taken most of my adult life to recognize that I have certain gifts.  I take no credit for them.  They came to me unbidden.. Why I was chosen, I do not know.  It is one more thing for which I am grateful.

 I have re-discovered that I love to write.  The words flow effortlessly much of the time from mind to keyboard.  Hardly professional, they are the meanderings of an almost-senior consciousness.  Fact and fiction, funny or philosophic--they are what I am at the moment.  My notebook overflows with ideas and phrases I want to incorporate in my ramblings.  My goal is to touch someone with my words. Just one person, just once.

The other gift is being at ease with people, at least most of them, most of the time.  I like to draw them into my world and share some of theirs.  Whether it is a brief encounter in the deli line or a friendship that matures over coffee at Starbucks matters not.  It is the act of connecting with another human. Human touch, I'd call it.

There are some people I will never be able to reach.  Maybe it is God's way of letting me know I am not infallible.  I try to say the right thing, to make them understand that my words are as honest as my feelings.  I don't get it, and I have trouble accepting the fact that there will always be someone I am unable to touch or befriend.  There will always be someone who will forever stay at a distance, who won't even be a friend on Facebook.  I pray about it.   I have an insatiable need to be loved by all.

To paraphrase Jackson Browne, don't confront me with my failures; I have not forgotten them.

Maybe it is my emerging awareness of self. Maybe it is my state of becoming a part of my new church, or the camaraderie I have found at the Y.  Maybe it is the increased time of meditation and prayer, or the love of my family and friends. Whatever caused the gifts to come, I am glad I recognized them.

Maybe someday, when the stars are in alignment, I will be able to touch the heart of those who aren't interested now.  Until then, I won't rest.  I am not finished.