One Day At A Time

If you're a friend on Facebook, or if we keep in touch, you know about my vision problems.  I have tried to be open about them for several reasons.

I am certain that I am not the only person who goes through this.  Maybe, just maybe, I can help someone who is unknown to me as they struggle with the same issues.

I feel better when I can talk to somebody, and they respond with faith, hope and an offer of prayer.  My faith in humankind is restored.

I'm a big baby when it comes to worrying about my health.  My eyes are precious to me.

I have no quarrel with the skill of my eye surgeon, nor with his referral to Dr. Baldwin.  After a long cry and a longer nap, I awoke with a sense of...well, not exactly well-being...but at least a feeling that they will do their best.  I think it was Dr. Zimm's words that scared me.  He really needs to work on his bedside manner.  At least he told me the truth in no uncertain terms.  At least he explained in English why my sight has been deteriorating.  At least he didn't blame it  on my beloved eyeliner.

I know me.  I will worry until my April appointment.  I will dream up scenarios of every description. I will not know contentment until the whole thing is over, my vision restored.

The whole truth is this--I have bleeding from several lesions in both eyes, but more in the left.  I have scar tissue that gives me vaseline-like vision, mostly the left eye, and causes "crowns" to appear around lights at night.   I have some calcification that gives me blind spots when I read, and breaks sentences and lines into uneven pieces.  I get ocular migraines that are annoying but give little pain. The scarring is the aftermath of cataract surgery; the rest is from years of being diabetic. 

I have days when it all depresses  me, and days when I need to summon my salesman's face just to get through.  I have days where I need sympathy and prayer, and days when I feel fine, thank you.

A note to my friends, Facebook and otherwise: thank you for being there when I need you.  I hope I can be there for you, too.

Meanwhile, I need to remember the 12 Step motto--one day at a time.