I have been told by reliable sources that I should give up caffeine. Who, me? Hey, I already gave up diet Pepsi.
I only have one cup, sometimes two, in the a.m. At the church mingle hour, maybe one or two. A couple (make that a few) if we go to breakfast. Maybe another if I am invited to share during the workday, or whatever is left in Mr Coffee when I get home.
Otherwise, unless you include my love of 85% cacao chocolate, I don't drink that much caffeine. There's the occasional (any occasion) Monster energy drink, but I don't think those have caffeine...or maybe a Rock Star now and then. I tried Red Bull, but it was only palatable with gin.
They tell me I talk too much when I am caffeinated, that I am excitable and way too lovable. I get much more antsy, and only a tad more productive. Caffeine is like alcohol to me. I think I might be addicted. I know I become nuttier than a fruitcake.
Oh, I function just fine, as long as I have my morning java and a piece of dark chocolate every day. I hate to admit this, but I like myself better when I am slightly high on Folgers.
A dear friend recognizes my need for the drug. She says if not caffeine, I would find something else. She says that exercising at the Y and my writing have become my new drugs of choice. Do I find myself drinking less Rock Star now? Sigh....no. No less jewelry, either. It seems I am capable of piling one habit on top of another and relishing them all.
I used to belong to a 12 Step program. It works if you work it, and I did, for awhile. I turned everything over to my Higher Power over and over again. I tried to make amends, until the person I wanted the most to make up with rejected my actions completely and thoroughly. I gave it up. Although I believe in the 12 steps as principles, I got caught up in a couple of them and could not move on one day at a time. My addiction had shifted from the problem to the solution!
Today is a better day. I am fully caffeinated. My blood pressure is normal, my heart isn't racing. I sleep well, with or without Monster energy. There are far worse things than Folgers and Rock Star. I will balance my habit with a walk and an hour of Pilates, maybe some tai chi for good measure. Only a miracle can deliver me from chocolate.
If I'm talking too much, please tell me to shut up.
don't ever shut up friend........p.s. I got SLAPPED if I said "shut up" instead of "be quiet please" :-))
ReplyDeletei get your 12-step program story of attempting to make amends. i have a similar situation with someone who is unwilling and incapable of participating in a conversation, taking responsibility for her relationships, etc. it's a difficult thing for me to do, let things go, stop ruminating over things, etc., but i am learning, not through a 12-step program but through the Landmark Forum which i recently participated in, and a relationship seminar which i am currently participating in. letting go of the past is one of the biggest things to "get" in relationships and life itself. we drag it around like it's attached to us or something. i'm learning that relationships in my life that are draining and unproductive and leave me bankrupt, so to speak, are not ones that i need in my life. if understanding, completing and/or closure cannot be accomplished, as in your case, and as in my case, then letting go is what has to happen. i am experiencing it right now.
ReplyDeleteand what all of this has to do with caffeine, i do not know! oh! maybe it's because i'm on my second cup!
keep up the good blogging.