Just For Today

I drive about 2000 miles a month.  Weather rarely stops me, although it does slow down my heavy foot.  Fog is just a fact of life when I go to New York State.  Patches of it follow me all along I-86.  I cope.

The fog this morning wasn't any worse than usual.  I am confident of my own driving as long as I can see the white line on my right and the yellow on my left.  ("Stay between the mustard and the mayo," my son admonishes.) It's the other guy who is too dense to put on his headlights because he can see fine, thank you, or the critter who has to have the greener grass on the other side of the road.  Sheesh.

There was a time when I loved to drive.  Hubby and I would go for an afternoon to the Alleghenies, around the beaches or looking for deer in New York State almost nightly.  We thought nothing of 150 mile round trip to go camping or fishing.

Anymore, driving is another chore.  Between the cost of gas, the morning fog, my Vaseline vision and the icy conditions it is no longer peaceful entertainment.

I am not sure it is only driving that tires me.  Lots of things no longer hold my interest.  I don't want to slip back into the patterns of a year ago; I have come too far.  Perhaps it is God's way, or that of nature, to weed out things that are no longer important.

Today I took out my private bucket list that I made when I began my journey of self-discovery.  My insight into myself has altered.  Some of the obsessions have passed, some of the passions redirected.

If ten months can make a difference in how I perceive myself and my private world, is it any wonder I am conflicted?  What have I been doing for the last decades?  Like driving in the fog, I haven't seen where I was going, I've just been staying between the mustard and the mayo.

I spent some time revamping the bucket list.  I kept the things I have already accomplished.  The promises to myself have changed.  I have found new ways to deal with old problems.  I made another list of the things I used to love.  How many I have added since the first time I wrote them!

Even the blunders, even the misguidance has a purpose.  If I sound confused in my writings from day to day, it's because I am.  The changes inside me are coming so fast, like I must hurry for some unknown reason.  There are no coincidences; I embrace synchronicity.

Just for today,  I will welcome change.  Just for today, I will try to enjoy driving in the fog.  Today, I will be patient, responsible and kind to strangers as well as family and friends.

Just for today, I will enjoy living in the present.