Beginnings

I love you, you know that, don't you?  I don't always tell you to your face; sometimes it remains quietly unspoken in my heart.  The key to my heart sounds trite, doesn't it?  But it is yours.

It's been more than forty years since the day we met.  We were both a little shy back then.  I can still remember the look on your face.  I can still remember your eyes, always smiling.  I could feel it even then, that something special was happening, something that would keep us linked in a small way or a large on, for all our days.

I remember the first time you asked to see me.  I couldn't believe that someone like you would want to be with someone like me.  There is nothing remarkable about me, but you, well, you were special, different from everybody else in some way.  You made me feel like I could fly.  You made me feel like I could accomplish wonderful things. You made me feel beautiful, smart and capable of almost anything. I fed off your remarkable quiet energy.

I became so wrapped up in wanting to be with you that I forgot about wanting to be with me.  That was all right for awhile, but these days I can feel those wings again, and I want to spread them wide and take in all the good things  that the universe has to offer.  I want the chance to sip a mai tai on the ocean, hobnob with those who run the world, float in a kayak on the lagoons and to write a book that will make people think about themselves in a new way.  I want you to be there with me, not watching from a distance.  I want you to see what I see.  I don't want to wonder if you notice me at all any more.

See, I don't want to go it alone.  I want you to be there to hold my hand or to give me a hug when I need it.  I need to lean on you, and I will be there so you can lean on me, too.

There have been those days when the distance between us seems insurmountable.  We don't talk, or we say too much.  You say things that hurt,  I say things that wound you just to get even.  But it is never even, is it?  It makes the chasm so wide that we are lucky if we can mend it.

But--here's the good part--we are still breathing.  We have a little while left at worst, a long time left at best.  We can go along as we are, or we can begin again.  We are alive.  We can begin again, and again, and again--as often as it takes. There is so much to see, so much to do!  I want to be with the person I know loves me the most so that neither of us has to do those things alone.

I look at you when you don't know I am watching.  I see the fine lines around those eyes that aren't smiling as much as they used to.  I wonder if you are thinking as I am, that it is time to begin again.  There was a time when you were my hero.  You brought me life. Am I willing to begin again with you?

Yes.  You are the love of my life.  Don't you ever forget it.