Kayaking

I got into the tippy kayak with some trepidation.  What if I fall in the water?  Well, I guess I'd get wet.  Will I drown?  No, it isn't very deep and I am wearing a life jacket.

Motion sickness plagues me, often from the moment I set foot in a boat or a plane.  Well, I made a six hour flight; I can take a couple of hours in a kayak.  Am I going to throw up?  No, I am going to pop ginger root.

Fear envelops me.  It renders me speechless.  What made me want to do this, anyway?  I remember, it was the joy that Paul and Gina found in the sport.  It was the offhand remark of a friend. So here I am... Paul thinks I am concentrating.  No, son of mine, I'm scared.  Oh, just suck it up, lady. I am scared spitless.   I swallow, no small feat.

Am I strong enough?  Will I be able to keep up?  Will I have to turn back after a few minutes?  Oh, I am too old for this.  You know what they say about doing it or getting off the pot, don't you?

Nope, none of the above.  Well, it took a few minutes to get situated.  It took a little time to get the rhythm of the paddles.  It took a bit to realize that I was in the middle of the lagoons, and I wasn't tipping over and the only way to get back was under my own steam.

Paul, to his credit, was very patient with me.

I am stronger than I was a year ago.  I am not sick.  I don't hurt.  I am not afraid. I am at peace.  My mantra of the day...I am not scared, I am at peace...I made a choice. I can do this. . .

The sky was like a sapphire with a few wispy clouds playing on it.  The air was balmy--not too hot, not too humid, not too buggy.  It was perfect.  I want this. . I am at peace with my choice. . .

The water in the lagoons was like glass, a reflecting pool for every tree, every weed, every flora and fauna.  Clean weeds filled the channels, no algae to be found. Some lily pads and watercress, some geese and turtles.  The few humans that were floating by waved and told us about the eagle they saw.  Everyone is kinder than they are on shore.

I have learned some things.  I learned that I need a bigger life jacket next time (the muscle is within, the fat is without).  I learned how to paddle to make the kayak go fast, then let it drift wakeless. How naturally the motions came to me!  It was as though I had done this many times before.   I learned I am capable of overcoming fear.  I didn't fall in the water, I didn't throw up, I didn't get stuck in the middle and have to call for help.  I am stronger than I thought I was.  I did not awake in pain the next morning.  My fears were unfounded. The calmness, the peace within me, is palpable.

I am not afraid.  I am at peace.

Bring on the next challenge of my bucket list, bring on the white water.  I have learned than I can accomplish things, things I have never tried, by putting aside my fear and insecurity.  I can't wait to go again, solo or with another.  I've been given a better outlook of the unknown.  I have always been afraid of everything, afraid of what might go wrong, afraid of the consequences, afraid so much that I never even tried.  It may seem that kayaking is a small thing, but it was a huge step for me. 

It's all in how you look at stuff, I guess.

By the way, the name on the boat?. . . . .PERSPECTIVE.