In a Hurry

Lately I've been in a hurry. Not just lately, I guess, but for almost three years. Since Mom passed (and it seems since I began).

I feel sometimes like I have to cram as much living into each day as I can, as though tomorrow will never come. Maybe it won't. I've had some breathing issues of late and some heart palpitations. Lack of insurance has kept me from the doctor. Yes, stupid, I know, but I can't see owing money for what might be too much caffeine. I've cut back. I feel better.

I'm in a rush. The job is more frantic than I anticipated. The book needs editing. I'm running for Judge of Elections in my district. I find wrinkles. I don't feel well. My bucket lists call to me. The house needs cleaned, the bills need to be paid, the clothes need pressed. My mind is spinning out of control.

I see spring struggling to arrive, robins hopping lightly across the snow. I hear the mating calls. I see the bay waters, deep blue now, no longer heaving and rolling slush.  I got some spring clothes together today, rushing into the season, sick of the suede boots and pink fur coat.

I'd like a garden this year, maybe a container garden. Maybe I will take my friend up on her offer to share her plot with me. So much to do. Why do I feel a need to have it all at once.

I've been praying a lot, too. I've been praying for family and friends and the world at large. I've been praying for things for which I have no business praying.  I pray for a peek at the future, but no answers come. I want things I shouldn't want.

The need to do does not mean I accomplish. Fits and starts, fits and starts. I begin, then think of something else or take a nap. I don't think I sleep because I am tired. I don't think I begin because I will finish. I'm in a hurry to go nowhere!

There is a list of gifts from the Spirit in Galatians. Among these are joy, love, generosity, kindness, gentleness and patience. I see where I am sorely lacking. Maybe I need to ask for these instead of being in such a rush.