Happy New Year

For weeks now I have found myself saying, "I'm glad 2013 is almost over!"  Let's face it. There was a lot of crap to deal with this past year.

I am reminded of my heart surgery every time I get dressed. I am reminded of pain when I walk. My dog is old and lame. I tried out several different jobs and didn't like any of them. I still have remnants of medical bills to pay. My house looks like a pharmacy. I had to get a new car because mine, quite literally, fell apart on the highway.

But as I was griping, I began to see things in a different way.

Thanks to my friends, who warned me that it might be my heart, and to my husband who insisted I go to the hospital NOW...I am alive. Thanks to a wonderful surgeon and his staff, I am alive. Thanks to God for not wanting me just yet, I am alive.

Thanks to a generous hospital, most of my debt was forgiven. The rest is manageable in pieces.

The handful of pills I take each day and the insulin I take each night were miracles created by the pharmaceutical companies whose ads I can't stand.

Because I was out of work for so long, Hubby and I spent more time together and grew closer. I don't know if anyone else would ever take care of me like he has.

I've made more friends than I ever expected at church. I've been council president this past year, have served on committees and conducted the Thanksgiving dinner prayer time. I am blessed.

Yes, my car was belching out parts all over route 20, but I didn't get hurt when the drive shaft fell off. I stayed dry and comfortable and ended up with a beautiful new car (it has TOYS!).

I've been able to work out at the Y again. My confidence is returning.

I'm able to work at a job I like, virtually stress free.

Yes, I lost my glasses (first pair in fifty years), but the new readers I just got have given me the clearest vision to read that I've had in two years.

When we have faith, when we believe, when we accept what we are given--well, then we can take those lemons, as the saying goes, and make lemonade.

May God bless each and every one of you. May our friendship continue to grow in 2014. May your fondest dreams come true. May I become as important in your life as you have become in mine.

A most blessed New Year to you, my friends!

New Glasses

So my old glasses are not to be found anywhere. Oh, well. They didn't do much good anymore, and the never-to-be-had-again anti-glare was starting to separate and made it like looking through Vaseline. 

Instead,  thanks to the cataract surgery a couple of years ago, I only need glasses for reading. I've been using the ten dollar 'cheaters' for a few weeks, and they served their purpose. Well, sort of.

So I made an appointment for new readers--real ones, with classy frames and all. Since they spend a good deal of time atop my platinum tresses, I wanted to be certain they would make a good hair band, too. It wasn't an easy choice.

But there they were--bronze filigree bows, semi-rimless, no annoying anti-glare...perfect, and well within my price range.

Eagerly I awaited the arrival of my specs. When they came, I entrusted them first to my head for the fashion value, then to my eyes for their purpose.

What a joy to be able to read without a magnifier! Words fairly leapt from the pages, all in a straight line, too.

There's only one drawback.  For the first time in months I am able to look in the mirror....and I see wrinkles. I see flaws that I swear weren't there before.  

Crap.

I think I'll go back to the cheaters.

The Day After Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas and all I can hear

is the nerve-wracking sound of a snow blower near.

Bright sun on the crest of the still falling snow, gives eye-blinding white both here and fro.

No plow our driveway will come near today, for the neighbor's truck is in the way.

Hubby is sleeping, all snug in our bed, visions of barbecued ribs in his head.

And I in my jammies at quarter of twelve believe that our dinner will be cooked by elves.

I curl on the couch, my blessings to count. With each I remember, the numbers do mount.

So what if snow's falling? My sons, they are calling.

And Hubby is there for me to take care.

I have my friends and my church to come home to; I have no need to be lonely or feel blue.

My life, oh! how rich! My blessings so many! What wishes I have? No, not any.

Except perhaps one...a poet I'm not...but I wish you a good year, with troubles naught.

With love to my family and friends...

Happy New Year!

Opportunity

I was playing a game yesterday in which I needed four in a row of white gems. Too late, I spotted the opportunity. Dang.

It got me thinking, though, and not about the game.

How many opportunities do we pass by every day? Or simply ignore? Or, worst of all, reject because of pride or fear?

We miss simple things like the chance to forgive an old friend or family member, to shake the hand of a stranger, to offer a hug to someone we haven't seen in awhile. We miss the chance to put a dollar in the red kettle. We don't pick our battles. Instead we get hurt or mad, not seeming to realize that the opportunity may never come again to say 'I forgive you' or 'I'm sorry'.

I'm reminded of our wedding and all the beautiful gifts we received. (In those days crystal and milk glass knickknacks  were popular things to give, and I still have most of them.)  I was a bit slow writing thank-you's, I am ashamed to admit. My dad, bless him, said that some people who had given gifts might appreciate a note before they died. I wrote out a handful and mailed them to Dad's godfather and a few other relatives.

It wasn't a week later that Dad's godfather passed away. How horrible I would have felt if I had missed that opportunity to say 'thank you'!

Since the changes in my life began some three and a half years ago, I have come a long way.  I tend to blurt out how I feel and to express my opinions more forcefully. Sometimes that backfires. Sometimes people think of me as the mouse I used to be and can't accept the woman I have become. So be it.

The chance to make a friend (or to be one), the chance to share our faith and the chance to pay a compliment to someone who needs it are the things that matter. Some miss the job opportunity by procrastinating,  or they miss a chance to succeed, not because of fear of failure but because of fear of success. The chance to say 'thank you' is a big one--we should never miss that!

I still miss opportunities that I wish I had reached for, and I vow that if the chance ever comes again, I will embrace it.

Opportunity is much more than a chance to fill our larders. It is the chance to share our light and our love, and to accept the hand that is offered.

An Open Letter

My friend was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

I wish I could help. All I can do is to be there. Maybe that will be enough.

My dear friend,

I understand some of what you are feeling. The difference is that I had no time to think or to make choices. You have had much too much time to think. I was nearly diagnosed too late. You have been treated early. That's a good thing.

You say you are confused. Yes, even months after the event, the thoughts whirl like a tornado in my brain. You know you will survive, or do you? What can I accomplish? How much time do I have? Can I still do the things I love to do? Yes, but it takes time, and you will still have uncertainty months from now.

Will the though of it coming back  haunt me? Yes, my friend, but the prayers of those who care about you will hold you up. You have a husband and friends who will be there through everything.

Your healing is in the hands of a surgeon. Pray that her hands will be guided by God. He uses people to do His works, too.

The things I have been through these months haven't been fun, and they are not over. I have become dependent again after I finally learned independence. I sometimes fear rejection where I used to feel confidence. I get the blues sometimes, and for no particular reason. I get days of perfect confidence and joy. But I have learned from the experience, too.

I have learned to be more compassionate. I have learned to appreciate every day. I have learned to lessen the stresses of everyday living as much as possible. I have learned to love unconditionally, and to make amends along the way. I can't force a friendship, but I will fight for it. Every person, every touch of kindness, every smile gives me strength.

I do understand much of what you are feeling, even if I cannot put it into words. I don't mean to sound dogmatic or, perish the thought, condescending. If I talk too much, tell me to shut up and to listen instead. If you need to vent, I can be your sounding board. Sometimes you may not want to voice your concerns to your closest family. That's what friends are for.

I just want you to know that I am here.

With much love,

Marilyn