A woman I don't know well, yet choose to call "friend", said to me today, "You have really changed."
I took no offense, not knowing if she meant in a good way or a bad one. After all, she wasn't aware of my existence a year ago. I prefer to call it positive.
Several months ago, I ran into a former classmate who said I looked "frumpy" compared to the "me" in high school. Some time after that, another called me "stunning". Which is me? Another friend told me this past Friday that I had a twinkle in my eyes. I told him it was the cataract lenses, but I knew what he meant. He's right.
Watching my mother deteriorate from the beautiful, fun, vibrant woman she was, and finally die as a shell of herself, affected me more deeply than I realized. When I could at last cry for her I knew that I had to live while I was able. That was almost nine months ago. I have become a different person.
Several people and events have facilitated the change. I am more emotional, to be sure, but that is not surprising since it was bottled up for so long. My clothes have changed; I sport a new haircut and new fingernails. My bucket list is no longer a figment of my imagination, but is published for all to see and remind me of its content. The basement is still a mass of confusion, but I am working on it. I am renewing old friendships and building new ones.
NEW. Did you notice how many times that word cropped up? That is what the past few months have been to me. A new lease on life, a new outlook, new adventures, new friendships, new experiences. new methods of communicating, new faith, new health and a new outlook on what comes next.
I am happy, more happy than I have been in years. I am more willing to try out new things and new experiences. I have lost some of the old fears. I am more confident in my abilities. I recognize my gifts and am trying to overcome the leftover inadequacies. I am a different woman than I was a year ago.
Yes, Cindy, I really have changed.
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