I Came, I Saw

Many moons ago I told you about my fascination with body language.

The book came out in the early seventies and as soon as I saw it I was hooked.  I became a student of body language almost before the country knew what it was...well, at least the people of Erie.  We tend to be a bit slow at these things.

The study of body language led me to paying more attention to the eyes.  Some people are bland, to be sure, and some have dark lenses that obscure the truth. There are those who smile with their lips but the eyes betray them. There are those who think they can pass on a lie (and I often let them to allow their sizable egos to remain intact).  There are those who think that staring a hole through you will make you believe them, and those who hide their chicanery by looking away. You haven't fooled me.

I attended a meeting recently where I studied the group when my attention for the counselor faded. (I felt he was dismissing females and my personal religious beliefs. That rankled me and rather than show my displeasure I took myself out of the situation.) Uncrossing my arms and legs, I used the opportunity to make myself appear open while I watched the others, rejoining mentally when my offended self came under control.

Some of the women apparently shared my feelings, hugging themselves as if to protect their beliefs, unwilling to change even though this voice of authority gave them guilt. One man chewed his lip to keep his own voice from being heard. Another woman looked as though she might cry from frustration.  I watched the twitching as the counselor spoke. I could feel the tension among the few of us who dared not disagree.  The counselor's eyes surveyed the room, pausing to take in reaction to his words.  He seems an intelligent man, but I would not want to be in his employ.  Because one is schooled does not make him always right.

And then I saw it...well-controlled anger as the discussion continued...uh-oh. Some of the participants had found a point of contention with another (who, incidentally, sat placidly, hands folded across his belly almost daring to be challenged. In parlance it is called passive-aggressive).  One of them, a peacemaker, plastered a grin on his face from the eyes down. When he spoke it was smooth and non-confrontational, meant to soothe the brewing fire. Another folded his hands and played with his thumbs in a PLEASE DON'T DO THIS NOW  mode. A third was visibly shaken, eyes flashing. Still another's eyes said, "you were saying what I was thinking!" The counselor eyed them but said nothing.  Had this been a less-civilized group fur would have flown. The placid one leaned back, mission accomplished.  Had he leaned forward the outcome might have been different.  The angry one drummed his pen, planning how to phrase his rebuttal, wisely taking deep breaths.

I watch people.  I can see in their eyes love, joy, lies, commitment, anger, disgust, understanding, longing.  It is a gift--a nurtured one.  Most people--save a few politicians--are unaware of how every move and every glance reveal their true feelings. Some are afraid to let those feelings loose, couching them in carefully worded phrases and stilted handshakes. Some, being more confident, allow themselves to speak their minds; some just want to make it all go away.

It's a shame, isn't it?  Here we are, the only mammals on earth who are given emotion in the likeness of our Lord.  We try to hide it in the name of politeness or civility.  We put up with being afraid of tears, embracing peacemaking, having tension headaches and stomach aches. (Ever wonder why your lower back hurts? How many times have you called somebody a "pain in the butt"? Stomachache? Who "makes me sick"?)

No, I am not advocating a free-for-all, but once in awhile I enjoy seeing honest emotions.  Once in awhile I want to hear what angers you or what you embrace.  It might make me mad or hurt my feelings, or it might be exactly what I need at the time but that's all OK. I will heal or rejoice.  In the meanwhile your eyes tell me a lot of what I want to know.

Oh, I'm the same as everybody else.  I try at times to consciously will myself to hide what I don't want you to know.  I ignore the look in your eyes at times so as not to betray what you are thinking. Your body language says one thing, your words another.  While I am far more proficient at expressing myself in the written word, it is too easy to hide oneself that way. A person-to-person showdown reveals so much more.

If you catch me watching you it is because I want to know what makes you tick. I want to discern if your believe what you are saying or if it is just words.  I will watch your hands and whether you lean forward when I speak.  I have a need to know.

You may hear my audible sigh when the answer comes.