Uncle Titchfiddle, actually a cousin of great-great Grandpa Horsebucket's half brother Cheatsat (and you wonder why first names aren't handed down in this family?) from Freshpants, Arkansas, was a rich old curmudgeon who had been abandoned by his sister in the Grand Canyon when the family went on vacation and then was left to the mountain lions because his father never liked him anyhow and believed his sister because she was blond and cute and clearly his favorite child. Truth is, he wasn't sure he was Titchfiddle's real dad and always suspected that the birth father was the funeral director in Infested, Louisiana, but that's another story. Anyway, the lions did find Titch and raised them as their own. He turned into a mostly OK man after escaping although he did like to bring home dead birds and lay them at your feet.
He also purred, but that's another story.
Titchfiddle made his first money in unknown ways, although it was suspected that he was a rum-runner with the Kennedy clan from Chappedquick, Minnesota. It was never proven, alas, and his dirty laundry was soaked till it gleamed. Titchfiddle bought a chain of laundromats and a factory that made dribble glasses and made a fortune until the citizens of Freshpants caught on.
Titchfiddle's special love was archaeology, and he spent years traveling in South America looking for proof that modern man came from Brazil despite evidence to the contrary. He wasn't opposed to manufacturing 'facts', and on one trip to Sao Paulo planted artifacts that showed a cave-drawing of a native (who looked much like himself) and a winged creature that looked like the Mothman. It wasn't hard to denounce, and Titchfiddle left the site in disgrace. For many years before being banned from South America (except the Balkans), most of Africa, Australia and several European states he plotted ways to get back in good stead with the archaeological community. When that didn't work he fabricated flying machines and amused himself setting them off over Nevada. One crashed, unfortunately, and the government spent years trying to explain it, lying through their collective teeth to make sense of it all when they themselves had no idea what was going on.
Titchfiddle died mysteriously when, shortly after marrying Augustina Hootchiemama, he was in the gondola of a giant weather balloon when it was shot down by apparently not-so-friendly fire, in fact some say it was a bazooka but there was no evidence of bubble gum and the Utah cops refused to believe it was anything but an accident.
His tombstone reads 'Rest in Pieces'.
Hey Girl! This blog is proof that one CAN be creative very late in the evening and while being exausted! Although my learning disabled brain has a little trouble keeping up with the fast, and quite complicated style of the Tiddlewinks...I do appreciate it! I think maybe if a drank a glass of wine first, I'd understand it better lol. I did like the reference to the funeral director of Infested, Louisiana ;) Keep going...you're talented!
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