The Salesman's Face

From time to time I have referred to the "salesman's face".  Recently someone challenged me on that, telling me it was only an excuse to put on a phony front.  That hurt.

I am not a phony.  I say exactly what I mean, not always what is expected.  If I like you, I will tell you.  If I am angry, I will probably tell you why.  If you have a problem with me, I will listen to your complaint.  Maybe I will walk away, maybe I will cry at your words, maybe I will get a little loud in my rebuttal.  Maybe I will throw my drink in your face.  You will not be left wondering what I am thinking.

The salesman's face is something we all do once we learn the mechanics of it.  It is a passive, nondescript, ultimately pleasant expression void of real feeling.  No happiness,  no joy.  It's usually from the nose down; no crinkles around the eyes.   It shows an interest in the other human being, but not as a loved one or friend.  It is used by the cashier at the grocery, the guy at the gas station, the car salesman, the politician.  Some people master the schmooze, others never do. 

When I greet you as a friend there will be a light in my eyes, and I hope in yours, that tells that the smile is genuine.  If you hug me, I will not pull away.  You will get a gentle handclasp, not a cold, fishy shake.

The salesman's face helps on those days when I can't do it anymore.  I can't stand another "we'll catch up", another "next time" or "maybe later".  It helps when I am not feeling well, when I have to accept criticism or when I need to be one place and would rather be someplace else.  I see no need to offend the innocent because I am feeling peevish.

It is not "brown-nosing" nor donkey-kissing as some would think.  It is being nice, being polite.  The Golden Rule applies here.

Most of the time, I can tell if that smile you give me is a plastic one or  if you are genuinely glad to see me.  I can see it in your eyes and read it in your body language.  I am rarely wrong.. While the politician or the late-night infomercial host  may have mastered the art of faking it, most of us aren't that good.

What would be the point of being phony?  Being honest with one's emotions is what makes friends stay friends, or not, as the case may be.  Hurt feelings can heal eventually.  The pain of not knowing what went wrong never goes away.  I give honest answers, and I expect them.  Life became much more worthwhile once I put this philosophy into practice.

The smile on my face when I greet you is unlikely to be my salesman's mask.  I am by nature affectionate, friendly and a bit flirtatious.  I lost the ability to hide my emotions over the last several months.  You might see unbidden tears welling up, hear a nervous chuckle or an outright guffaw.

Whatever you see, at least you will know it is real.