Cousin Zelda

I have this cousin I didn't know I had.  Well, I knew she existed at one point in time, but I had forgotten.  She was a snotty-nosed brat when I last saw her and I was a grown-up seventeen.  I knew her brothers (well, two of them anyhow).  Who paid attention to the kid? Not me, I had one just like it at home.  So Zelda disappeared into the woodwork.  Or maybe it was into the kennel. Her Mom raised dogs.  Boxers. Cockers.  Old English sheepdogs.  I digress.

Facebook happened.  Some chick by the name of Zelda wanted to be my friend. Well, OK, but who the hell are you? I spied on her profile.  Hmmmm, that fella looks suspiciously like my lost cousin Zeke, and his name is Zeke, too.  Hmmmm again. "That's my brother, you nitwit" said Zelda.  Zelda?  You're the snotty-nosed brat sister of Zeke?  Well, ain't that a fine how-de-do!

Turns out Zelda is all grown-up, too.  She surpassed me in age--I stayed at about sixteen brain-wise; she must be at least eighteen, maybe even twenty.

When Lin said, "you really must be related" , we weren't sure if it was a compliment.

The conversation started out simple enough. The company for whom I interviewed said something about a background check. Zelda said she hoped they didn't find the bodies.  I told her I thought she took care of the cement.  It got crazier from there (much, much crazier).  I soon forgot it was a public conversation...today was almost as bad, what with the cousin in the Chippendales and the insurance from the arson to give to Hora, uncle somebody's sluttish girlfriend...don't ask.  Please, please don't ask.

I don't know where it all came from, only that the writer's block that has been plaguing me suddenly dissipated.  I felt like laughing out loud, and, in fact, I did.  I've been under a teensy bit of stress, and not the good kind.  Worry has been my constant companion along with anxiety, rejection, sciatica and a host of ghosts that haunt me and cousin Filbert. He's such a nut.

Anyway, the bantering with my Socialist buddy, the one-on-one with other friends, the prayers I have received and sent have all worked wonders for my psyche.  But the humor I have found with Zelda has added something new--a fall-off-the-chair belly laugh, a crazy moment to say anything and hear it bounce back.  We are Abbott and Costello. We are Laurel and Hardy.  We are Zager and Evans...no, maybe not, unless this is year 2525.  How fast time goes...I digress again...

I can breathe tonight.  The tightness in my head is gone. Zelda likes me and I like her.  We have found each other.  We share a silly sense of humor. If our grandmas could see us now, how proud they would be!  Our mothers (first cousins) might be a bit embarrassed at first, but they would play along, too.  Child-like behavior runs in the family.  Our children might, however, be mortified.

So what next? When we are bored I'm sure we will meet up again on Facebook along with Rodney and Jolly, Aunt Flo and twice-removed sisters who were singers in a rock-and-roll band but gave it up because the public didn't appreciate the talents of the Siamese twins and after all, it takes two to tango, but they couldn't do it with their backs to each other so it took four to tango and that never made sense so they boogied instead...oh, never mind.

It isn't as much fun without cousin Zelda.